Practical Tips on Becoming More Loving
Is it the nurturing embrace of a mother and her child? The familiar twinkle in the eye between two elderly lovers? The rushing emotions of young romance? Although these things are lovely to behold, they are not love.
This is why I am SO careful when I tell someone I love him or her. It is so much deeper than society would like to make us believe. It is difficult to love someone, for it is not based on feelings, but a commitment. This is not some romantic, fairy-tale notion. I am not even writing specifically about romantic love. This is the kind of love God calls us to show. This is the true essence of love as is written in 1 Corinthians 13. Do not be discouraged if you fall short! We all do, but this is the love we are called to strive for. This blog post offers some helpful tips and questions if you are striving for more Christ-like love.
1. Love is Patient
When the person you care about is late, do you get easily annoyed? If they have faults and struggles, do you try to change them and become annoyed when they don’t? Even if years go by and they still struggle with the same issues, do you give up on them? Love is patient. Another translation is “long-suffering.” Sometimes their actions cause us to suffer, love willingly suffers for the one it cares about.
2. Love is Kind
Are your words or tone harsh? Are you abrupt or judgmental? Do you tease in a mean way or are overly sarcastic? Love is kind. Some synonyms for kind are: tender, compassionate, gracious, of sympathetic nature, willingness to do good or give pleasure, and benign. Do you treat the one you care about with compassionate tenderness?
3. Love is Not Envious
The Greek word translated as “envy” literally means “to burn with zeal; to boil over with hatred, envy, or anger.” The idea about envy in context, is that one does not zealously follow his or her desires, but is selfless. Wishing the other individual good over yourself. So, do you think about what you can get out of the relationship? How it does or does not make you happy? Or do you instead think about what you can give to the other? How you can bring joy into their life? Love is not about oneself.
4. Love Does Not Boast
Do you magnify your own accomplishments? Brag about your knowledge? Talk all about yourself? Love does not focus on yourself, but on the other individual. Try listening and asking questions about them.
5. Love is Not Proud
Love does not have an exaggerated view of itself. Do you act like you know better than the one you care about? You’re right and they’re usually wrong? “You’ve studied the topic extensively, they can’t possible know more than you!” Love is not proud, rather it is humble. Think before you speak! Are your words humble or full of arrogance? How about your attitude? Do you come across as full of yourself?
6. Love is Not Rude
Basically, when you love someone, you do not purposely act in a way that may embarrass them or just be bad-mannered or of poor taste. No need to be abrasive or harsh. Love will treat others with kindness and respect.
7. Love is Not Self-Seeking
Is your relationship with this person (whether it be romantic, friendly, or family) based on your own happiness? Do you seek to get something out of it? Or do you seek to put something into it? Do you seek your own happiness, and when that is not met, do you give up on the one you care for? Self-focus is the anti-thesis of love.
8. Love is Not Easily Angered
Do not be hot-tempered nor be quick to judge. No, the Bible says God is slow to anger. Show compassion and understanding; be slow to get angry. Do not let your fuse be short, nor your explosion be large.
9. Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs
Forgive, just as you have been forgiven. Does it not say that God remembers our sins no more? Have we not committed far greater and numerous sins against Him? To really forgive someone, we need to treat them just as if they had never sinned against us. I know that is a tough pill to swallow, but love holds no grudges.
10. Love Does Not Delight In Evil, But Rejoices in the Truth
Love does not figure out a way to get away with things, or sweep up sin under a rug. Love seeks to uphold justice, preserve the truth, to take delight in righteousness.
11. Love Always Protects
This does not mean we cover up a loved one’s wrongs or seek to rescue him or her from the consequences of his or her own sins. This means we seek to strengthen him when he is weak, be a shield to him when he is vulnerable, and to protect his name.
12. Love Always Trusts
Now, this does not mean one is to be naïve. This phrase points out that we are always to believe the best of someone, to be slow to believe negative things about him, we are able to look past his faults, and hope for the best. We see the good in him and are always ready to believe the best. Even if he has betrayed your trust, strive to be quick to believe the best.
13. Love Always Hopes
Clearly, our ultimate hope is in God. However, this form of hope has a different meaning. It means as Gothe said, “If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.” Hope for them to be the best, to become even more like Christ; hope that God is working in them and see the person they can be through Christ.
14. Love Always Perseveres
The Greek word for this is “huponmrnei” which means “remaining” or “enduring.” Love does not give up when things become difficult, when it is no longer fun, when feelings change. It endures forever. It is a commitment to seek the highest good of the other person. It is saying, “No matter what, come hell or high water, I will never leave you nor abandon you; my love remains.”
15. Love Never Fails
Another way to translate this is “love never falters.” It never wanes nor waxes; it does not change with the seasons. It is not based on whims, wants, feelings, moods, or fantasy. No, love continues on, regardless of the cost. It does not move on, grow cold, change its mind, nor back down. Love is not about you, but the one you are loving. Love is not based on your loved one’s actions, but a choice you make. No matter the cost, you will love them, forever. When all else has passed away, when the earth as we know it seizes to exist, when death takes humanity by storm, when kings and kingdoms have passed on…love remains.
